Queer Research Vital in Building an Identity

Mar. 30 2023 • Published at the Montreal Gazette

The patriarchy convinced me I wasn’t a lesbian for 20 years. That was until I found resources and commentary that helped explain my experience. Now, in the U.S., anti-LGBT bills are putting such resources at risk.

Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill, adopted last year, bans discussion of gender identity and sexual orientation in the classroom in kindergarten through Grade 3, and might be expanded. Last year, Iowa banned gender-affirming medical care for minors.

Such legislation threatens not only personal lives but the queer community on a greater scale. It’s easy to see how suppression of the rights and visibility of LGBT people can lead to suppression of queer research and education.

Heteronormativity, patriarchy and compulsory heterosexuality are big words that often scare people away from queer discussions. However, these topics are what brought me to understand my own feelings and identity.

Growing up, I connected with men’s personalities and mistook this for attraction. Little did I know this was something called “compulsory heterosexuality” — a term popularized by Adrienne Rich in an article published in 1980.

Compulsory heterosexuality essentially means society’s assumptions and promotion of heterosexuality can condition a woman to believe she is straight.

A more modern and reader-friendly take on Rich’s article appeared in 2018. Often referred to as “The Master Doc” this 30-page guide helps women identify whether they are queer.

Both pieces delve into the difficult process of discovering your sexuality and explain the confusion that people face in the process.

Something I experienced, which is common, was wanting to attract men but feeling uncomfortable when they showed interest. However, I felt at ease with women in the same situations. I didn’t understand why because I couldn’t put the pieces together myself.

When I read about these issues, it all started to click. I wasn’t straight or bisexual; I was lesbian. This realization elicited a deep sense of relief. In fully accepting my queerness, I was able to let go of the frustration and anger I didn’t even know I was harbouring.

Without the internet and queer academia, I may have never come to understand myself. Some may view gender and sexuality studies as dispensable, but they serve the individual in understanding who they are, and they serve society in understanding how we function and relate to one another.

When I was growing up, the only queer stories I heard typically went like this: “I always knew I was this way. …” But I didn’t. I, like many others, needed education. I needed open and transparent conversations, and known and accessible resources.

I have many more years ahead of me of unlearning some of the thoughts, feelings and beliefs I’d been taught — but recognizing them is the first step toward living authentically.